It Never Hurts to Try, Right Amy?

On a brisk walk to the movies tonight, I called my friend Amy. We chatted for a generous 10 minutes, but in that space, she gave me an idea for a new blog: every day, try something new. That in itself might prove entertaining. The results of this venture might result in more hilarity, growth, challenge — who knows! My goal is to try something new and write about it every day… but with my tight schedule of lion training, race car driving, modeling, learning the art of trapeze, translating the will of the Gods for mere mortals and making the occasional latte, it might be a bit less frequent. At any rate, I’m ready to try.

So, today I tried to write a fan letter to my favorite celebrity crush: Daniel Craig. Oh, those blue eyes and that scruffy face. First off, let it be known said fan letter is written on pink flowered stationary. Japanese-anime pandas holding bouqets of flowers adorn the bottom of each stationary leaf. Their heads are easily thrice the size of their bubbly, rounded bodies. They have no fingers.

Second, I know it is silly-schoolgirl of me to send out fanmail in the first place. I mean, the last time I did that when I sent heartfealt requests for autographs to Jonathon Taylor Thomas, boyfaced killa and star of “Home Improvement.” My walls made it look like I was conducting a search for a famous missing person.

Third, I found Daniel Craig’s very official looking fanmail address at a Web site smattered with posts like this (copied and unedited straight from the source):

Daniel Craig s email address! Ineed it! I love Daniel Craig! OMG hez so hot! So so so hot!

What would happen to my letter if ever it landed in the hands of these carnivorous fans? It would be shredded beyond recognition. Little bubbly panda arms and legs scattered about in a post office near you. Certainly a worse fate than the letter never arriving to its intended destination. Which — I must admit — is a more likely end. But like they say — it never hurts to try sending hideously awesome stationary to a superstar filming another billion dollar blockbuster somewhere in the universe. Or something like that.

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